I feel… horrible right now. I’ve done something I thought I would never do, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
We were at the Tavern where the CO had drummed up a festive atmosphere, and Dennis went on a drunken retelling of… what I believe was Star Wars, but I could be wrong. It was hard to understand a majority of the words coming out his mouth, as well as hearing him over the “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” from the crowd.
Come to find out, after some conversation, that the Gnomes here are the… what’s the best way of putting it, town guard? They are the ones who do all of the physical tasks, whether it be the defense of the town from the wildlife, or putting out fires… these Gnomes are awesome!
I keep getting sidetracked. Anyway, CO Markus got to talking to the head of the squad, a Gnome who had a real penchant with an ax. And not a small sized ax mind you, we’re talking a standard sized thing that I bet I would have some trouble holding! Well Markus just tries to go and take the damn thing from him. Just reaches out! What the hell is wrong with that
The two started conversing again, and after a few shows of dexterity from the Gnome, the CO pulls out his six shooter and takes a shot at the Gnome. He was defending that he was trying to show off his skill by knocking the ax out of control, but what the hell was he thinking! The bullet wasn’t going to hit anyone? How could he have known that!? And what about the ax. The leader might have lost track of that, and someone could have gotten really hurt!
The CO was subdued, and I tried my best to maintain peace between us and the townsfolk here, but it was outside where I blew up.
Hun, I yelled at him. I looked him dead in the eye and I told him what I thought about him. I don’t remember the specifics, but I’m almost sure I used “unfit for command” and “loose cannon”. Maybe even something about him trying to get the rest of us killed, I honestly don’t remember. It was all a blur, and afterwards…
His eyes. My God there was so much pain. I don’t know what it was but there was something that broke his spirit.
After calming down the masses and everyone going their own separate ways, I followed him back to the castle. He was just standing on one of the bridges looking out into the waters, and he wouldn’t respond to anything I said.
I feel horrible. I feel just… If he didn’t like me before, I’m almost certain he hates me now. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone here just sees me as a whiny coward, more interested in this spellbook than I am trying to get home. I don’t think they understand, I want to go home! I have so much more there than I do here, that I’m trying to do anything to get back to you! It’s been… God, I think I’ve lost track of the days since we landed on this… God forsakin planet, and I’m so alone. I’m so fu
I miss you. I miss you so much, and the only people I know here are all so stand offish to me that I’m wondering if they even want me part of their group.
I done messed up Molly. I really messed up this time.
I’m going to try and apologize tomorrow, but…
I think I’m just going to go to sleep.
I love you.